“Seek
ye out of the book of the LORD, and read: no one of these shall fail, none
shall want her mate: for my mouth it hath commanded, and his spirit it hath
gathered them” (Isaiah 34:16)
1.
The Choice of An Unbeliever
God cannot cause you
confusion. His word says; “Be ye not unequally yoked together with
unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and
what communion hath light with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14).
So, your confusion
about whether or not you should marry someone who is not a christian/believer
and Born Again is not from God. It does not matter how good and morally sound
they appear, an unbeliever is an unbeliever, and should you end up marrying
him/her, then you have the devil (his/her father) as your in-law. It does not
matter what a prophet or vision says, if the person is an unbeliever, he/she is
not God’s will for your life.
“For God is not the
author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints” (1
Corinthians 14:33).
If you lose your peace,
then God is not in it.
2.
Choice Based on Place of Origin, and Tribal
Sentiments
This is the height of
idolatry in choosing marriage partner. In one of my teachings, THE IDOL CALLED TRIBALISM IN MARITAL CHOICE
(unpublished), I shed more light on this.
Many have disobeyed
God’s leading simply because they resolved in their hearts only to marry
someone from their state/village of origin. I have met such people before, and
you will perceive a lack of understanding and absence of spiritual maturity.
The will of God is
beyond some human boundaries of tribe and culture, once the person is a child
of God, and God is involved in it, be at peace and go ahead.
People often
misinterpret Abraham’s choice place of a wife for Isaac as meaning tribal
standard. This is error on their parts.
Genesis 24:3-4;
“And I will make thee
swear by the LORD, the God of heaven, and the God of the earth, that thou shalt
not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I
dwell: But thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife
unto my son Isaac.”
Abraham did not mean
his “fellow indigene”, but was talking about God’s people and God’s family.
Abraham laid a foundation of “among my people”, meaning the family of the
beloved/believers. He dissociated himself from the people of the world and
sought a wife for Isaac from among the people of God whom he referred to as his
people.
Personally; I am from
Ogun State in the west, and my wife is from Adamawa State in the North. They
are two (2) distant states on the map, but in our hearts such distance never
existed and still do not exist, and never will exist. She is close to my
siblings/parents just as I am very close to her siblings/parents. We are one
family in Christ. Glory to God!
3.
Choice Influenced by Lust and Love For Money and
Material Possessions
I have taught about
this before, when brethren based their marital choice on such carnal things.
Many sisters have
turned down/rejected marriage proposals from brothers simply because such
brothers do not presently “boast” of such earthly measures of white collar
jobs, robust bank accounts, furnished and air-conditioned apartments or even
university degree. They became myopic about the future just because of what
they appear to see now. Many so-called sisters (so they are) are looking for
the Biblical Brother Isaac, the son of Abraham who is a millionaire.
The same applies to
brothers looking out for ladies with high-pitched (but often deceptive) musical
voices and physical (but perishable) elements, and so they close their eyes to
God’s direction of leading.
Anyone whose choice of
life partner is influenced by the present condition of the other person is not
wise and risking his/her eternity.
“While we look not at
the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things
which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal” (2
Corinthians 4:18).
4.
Carried-Over Choice of Partners
This is similar to
point one (1). Consider 2 unbelievers in a relationship, and suddenly one of
them, becomes Born Again, and yet decides to continue with the unbeliever and
go ahead to get married. This is a carried-over choice and is wrong.
It is only in marriage
(NOT COURTSHIP) that if there are 2 people who were hitherto unbelievers and 1
of them finds salvation, and because divorce is never an option, they remain
married (as long as the unbelieving partner wants to stay). And the believing
partner has a responsibility to pray for the salvation of the other person. (1 Corinthians 7:12-15).
But in courtship (NOT
MARRIAGE), that foundation is wrong in the first place, and the relationship
should end. “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what
fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath
light with darkness?” (2
Corinthians 6:14).
It is possible the
other person eventually becomes saved later. Now, God can lead them to each
other afterwards, and he may not. It is God’s choice and His will, never yours.
Let God have His way…do not force your will and ways on God.
5.
Choice Birth By Haste, Lack of Patience and External
Pressures
When God created you,
he fashioned the times and seasons of your life, including the time for you to
marry. “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under
the heaven…” (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8).
Many people think that
God is slow and so they make their decisions. Some marriage seminars driven by
motivation rather than guidance have not helped as well because they also
motivate young people to be smart, take their future into their hands and make
haste before it is too late. Thus, many erroneously attempt to “outsmart” their
maker (impossible).
Many who could not
patiently wait for the man have impatiently gone ahead with another person.
Parental pressures/influences and peer pressures have all contributed into
wrong choices made by many singles, and these have been the making of many
wrong foundations in marriage.
“He that believeth
shall not make haste” (Isaiah 28:16b).
6.
Choice on a Background of Disobedience
There are people who in
truth know who God wants them to marry, but they deliberately chose the way of
disobedience. In some cases, the disobedience is due to some factors I have
mentioned before.
Disobedience is a sin
that can lead to Hell (except one repents), whether it is disobedience to
tithing, to God in ministry, and then choice of marriage partner.
“Let no man deceive you
with vain words: for because of these things cometh the wrath of God upon the
children of disobedience” (Ephesians 5:6)
7.
Choice Born Out of Pity For The Other Person
It is an error and a
big one at that for you to decide or go ahead to marry someone because of pity.
You are not convinced, yet you accept because the person cried or made pitiful
face or remarks…this is a dangerous foundation that cannot stand the test of
time and the time of test, because certainly these times will come.
Once you are convinced
you are not meant for that person, let him/her know with humility and
gentleness and not to hurt feelings. It is true that some people will get
emotional about your decision and action and they may beg you to stay with
them. Sometimes some people will use challenges either in their lives or
families as a platform of pity to evoke love and consent from you. If you build
a relationship on pity, it won’t last. If it does not collapse in courtship, it
will speak out in marriage because the foundation is altogether wrong.
8.
Inability To Hear God
Many have missed the
way of God for them in marital choice because they could not hear God.
Marriage is like a
city; it is a terrible thing not to know the way to the city. “The
labour of the foolish wearieth every one of them, because he knoweth not how to
go to the city” (Ecclesiastes 10:15).
It is important to know
how God speaks to you. The way He leads you on your choice of career, where to
work, where to be based, etc, is the same way He should lead you in the choice
of a life partner.
It is important to know
how God speaks to you. Some people think when it comes to the choice of life
partner, God has to open the skies and speak in a “special” way. Not really. He
speaks the way(s) He does to you. If God leads you, you will never make the
mistake to marry the wrong man or woman. What a blessed future and eternity
that is. May God lead you!
FINALLY
I have a word for
someone reading this. God says, “Flee fornication. Every sin that a man
doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against
his own body” (1 Corinthians 6:18).
Many
relationships/courtships have been marred by sexual sin. It is very
disheartening to God. “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed
undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge” (Hebrews 13:4).
Look at the following about
fornication:
i)
Fornication lays a wrong foundation for
your marriage. It will hunt and hurt you in the future.
ii) Fornication
can lead to pregnancy, then some will succumb to abortion. Fornication thus
breeds murder. Sin breeds sin.
iii) Fornication
is a sin that leads to Hell fire.
The devil is lying to many young people that it is
not possible to be in courtship and not be sexually defiled. It is a lie from
the pit of Hell to send many to Hell. Personally, and to God’s glory; I and my
wife courted for about 6 years and we are a living testimony of an undefiled
courtship.
Why am I saying this? So as to challenge and
encourage you that it is possible and God expects purity from you in your
relationship if you want Him to honour your life and ministry, and if you do
not want to miss Heaven.
You too can honour God with your relationship. You
may have been sinning, but make up your mind to turn to God and stop sinning
today.
-
Confess all your sins of fornication and
sexually immorality to God and plead the blood over your life
-
Pray that God’s mercies will destroy all
negative foundation of fornication in your life and relationship
-
Make a resolution to start anew with God
and in your relationship. This is dedication.
-
Go and sin no more!
“If
any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God
is holy, which temple ye are” (1 Corinthians 3:17).
*(Dr.
Bukola Williams is a trained Medical Doctor called of God into evangelical
ministry. He is founder and President of TreasuredHouse Int’l. Ministries,
THIM. He is blessed in marriage to Blessing, a trained Computer Engineer. They
presently live in Umuahia, Nigeria. For counselling and spiritual help,
contact: drwilliams4j@yahoo.com.
08035744063).
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